Acting on Inspiration

We have often been told to be productive, efficient and constructive. 

"Stop wasting time!"

"Don't procrastinate!"

"Do something!"

Sounds familiar?

Life is short, so we must grasp every minute and second. We must get the most out of the limited time we have. If you sit on a task, you are being lazy. Doing nothing is almost a taboo. 

Yet, how often do you find that as you garner your last ounce of energy and motivation to carry out a task you are supposed to do - it ends up being the most painful process, and worse, after an investment of all that suffering, the outcome is mediocre and unsatisfactory?

Pretty often, for me. 

I grew up in one of the best schools in Singapore. Being excellent was not a choice, it was a default mode of living. When I went through a prolonged period of depression in my 30's, I struggled to be 'right' again. 

It was like using a knife to dig at your own wound. 

I was in despair because I was in despair. I fought hard against not wanting to do anything. I crucified myself for my procrastination and lack of punctuality. I was not excelling. I was not succeeding. I felt useless and unworthy. I need to do everything I can to try to be an excellent, independent woman again, because I am more intelligent than this.

Right?

Wrong.

After years of this torment, I grew to learn something. I started to realise that despite neglecting my email inbox and allowing 999+ unread emails to accumulate (that's just the infinity number Google has - the biggest number they can display when the actual number is way higher), at some random moment I would suddenly feel like opening my inbox and catch an important email just as it comes in. 

Similarly, after sitting on a task long enough for apes to evolve into human beings, suddenly something would happen that leaves you with no choice but to get it done. (Eg. The AC in your room breaks down. You need to get it repaired. Which means workers need to visit your room. You have no choice but to finally clean up your room after the mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers hibernated in there for a century). 

Or perhaps, you get offered what seems to be a great job opportunity, which you reject because you don't feel motivated nor inspired to take it up. You berate yourself for such a lousy excuse and not being pro-active enough in improving your life. Until you find out later on that you did yourself a favour by rejecting that offer, because something else better came along.

Did it matter that I didn't get it done earlier? Does it really matter that I don't normally read the other 998 emails (which are mostly promotions, newsletter updates and junk mail anyway)?

The good news: No, it doesn't matter.

This was my spiritual learning curve. I was learning to rethink what really mattered and what didn't. I was learning to accept that efficiency isn't an all-mighty indicator of how well I am living my life. 

I was learning to be okay with not being okay.

Everything has its own time and place. Everything happens for a reason, including mistakes, obstacles, and procrastination.  

As long as you put out a clear, sincere intention to the universe that you want your life to be better, have faith that Spirit will take care of things for you. 

The right resources will fall into place for you when it is time. When it is the right thing for you to do, you will do it without thinking twice. Suddenly you will have all that energy and motivation, and you don't even need to try. Perhaps you keep losing something or someone, or keep getting cut off, because it is Spirit's way of forcing you into a time of self-care, self-heal and self-reflection. 

Whatever it may be, listen to yourself. Listen to how you feel, listen to what your body is telling you, listen to Spirit's signs. 

Act on your inspiration. If you don't feel it, it's absolutely okay to sit on it.